Find a River
by clappstrap
Summary: The Doctor may not be planning to rescue and re-create River from the library, but what would happen if he was forced into it because, well...because he already had?


The Doctor may not be planning to rescue and re-create River from the library, but what would happen if he was forced into it because, well...because he already had?

I imagine the episode would open like this...

It is set in a bedroom and we see a dishevelled, but still rather sexy River. She is rushing to the ensuite bathroom, her luxurious purple and white dressing gown streaming behind, and her hair even more out of control than usual. Although we don't see it, it appears that she throws up in the toilet, then turns to look in the mirror. A faint smile crosses her face and her hand fleetingly brushes her abdomen. The smile is replaced by a frown as she considers the complications.

The bathroom is lit up suddenly and in the mirror she sees the TARDIS. River cannot help but smile broadly as she turns around, but the smile dies on her face as the door of the TARDIS opens and belches acrid, black smoke into the room. River instinctively reaches for her weapons and utility belt beside the bed, fastening them around her dressing gown as she enters the blue box.

"Extractor Fans on" she commands. The TARDIS hears her as always and almost apologetically the fans roar and the air is clear. There, lying unconscious on the floor of the control room is a young lady. It could be Clara or it might be another future companion of the Doctors, but for this story she shall be Clara. River runs a scan. Clara is badly injured, Burned and broken. River quickly types some instructions into the main console and the TARDIS produces an injection of something, pain relief perhaps and drops an oxygen mask from somewhere above. Clara groans. River runs a scan for other life forms inside the TARDIS. There are none. Gently she tries to rouse Clara "Where is the Doctor? What happened?"

"He said 'find a River, any River'" Clara whispers. "He's trapped"; but she lapses unconscious again.

"But where?" River pauses as the doors of the TARDIS snap shut then lurches forwards towards the console, thrown off balance as the TARDIS departs."And When?"

There on the screen of the main controls is a map and a time. River freezes, stricken. She cannot go there, not then. The TARDIS is breaking her own rules, crossing River to a time when she is dead, only an echo in the library. "You can't" she whispers, her eyes watering with tears. He said he hadn't seen me since Trenzilor. You will change everything". The TARDIS responds only by starting a loud blaring countdown and displaying on her screen a rundown of the outside atmospheric conditions: radiation, carbon monoxide, sulphur, and heat. She has kidnapped River and is determined that River will rescue the Doctor. River snaps "I can't go out into that without a suit. It's toxic, radioactive and god only knows what else is out there".

In response, a cabinet pops open revealing the Doctor's orange space suit. "I won't fit into that!" cries River. A second cabinet opens. This time the suit is white. It has "Song" imprinted on the left chest. "Oh no!" she cries. "It couldn't possibly be; It would be hundreds of years old." Then, sarcastically, she adds "I hope he cleaned up the mess properly after I died in it last time". The TARDIS responds only with an alarm and flashes the countdown. With a look of revulsion on her face, like one would have climbing into their own coffin, River dons the suit over her dressing gown, but fastens her weapons around the outside.

Outside the TARDIS it is creepy; a hot, burning, smoke filled tunnel. Shadows flicker and creatures that could be rats, but probably aren't, scatter about River's feet. There are signs of a rapid, panicky departure. Equipment lays scattered about. Explosions rock the passageway as the asteroid they have landed on begins to implode and disintegrate. River meets no resistance. It seems that any beings of higher intelligence have already departed. It is only minutes until the whole thing explodes.

River picks up a signal. Her sonic screwdriver has locked on to his signal and leads her towards the Doctor. He is unconscious, still handcuffed to a pole; his face and hands bloodied and burnt. Handcuffs are no problem for River. In a moment he is free and being cradled like a baby in his wife's strong embrace. She carries him across to the teleport. The Doctor must have used it to send Clara to the TARDIS. In an instant they too are back inside the police box.

River sends the TARDIS into space as the asteroid explodes. The Doctor hasn't stirred. River strips off the space suit and runs the medi scanner over him. The result is not good. He is dying. "you can't die" she cries. "You can't regenerate. You haven't rescued me from the library". Then she remembers his words "I haven't seen you since Trenzilor". Of course; he hasn't seen her, he can't, he is unconscious and his eyes are swollen and burnt, but the memory of those words burns into River like a hot knife, like a dagger plunging into her heart, like they were squeezing the air from her chest. He didn't re-create her out of love; he remade her because he had to, because she had already saved his life...again. Did he really love her? Was his tenderness a lie; a fake? It had been so wonderful to hold him again, to kiss, and to live. There was no choice now. She had already saved him, but how? The realization came to her in another crushing blow. He had made her whole knowing that she would give up her regenerations again, sacrifice herself for him again. She hesitates because now there are other complications. Did he know about those? Her hand briefly caresses her stomach. No, he wouldn't know, she wasn't certain herself until this morning. There was no choice. She had already saved him. To let him regenerate now would be to stay forever in the library.

Tears stain her face and her hands shake uncontrollably as she sets co-ordinates and sends the TARDIS on her way.

"River?" Clara has awoken.

River crosses to her side and whispers "tell him I'm still waiting in the library and ..." but she can't finish the sentence. She crosses back to the Doctor, and, kneeling next to him, reaches forward and ties the waist belt from her dressing gown around his eyes. Then, her regeneration energy flaring in a blaze of yellow light around her outstretched fingers, she pauses. The TARDIS is singing. It sounds like a lullaby, perhaps something from ancient Gallifrey; a song to soothe a frightened child. River smiles, though there are tears in her eyes; she leans forward, her hands reach for his cheeks, her lips reach his and her regeneration energy flows. A kiss for life.

Next moment the TARDIS has landed, and taken off again, leaving River, collapsing onto her bedroom floor. She manages to lift her head only to see that the room is not as she left it. Her things are scattered, the bed overturned and worse still, in the doorway stands a Silence. It points at her, drawing energy from within itself and fires a bolt of electricity; and so the episode ends...

Part 2

The Doctor awakens with a huge fright, looking straight into the enormous green eyes and long slender whiskers of a humanoid cat. She jumps back while he rolls over and on to his feet in an instant, apparently completely recovered from his ordeal. He spies Clara on a hospital trolley which is being eased through the door of the TARDIS by more cats dressed in surgical scrubs. She has an oxygen mask covering her face but he can see that her skin is very pale. Her arm hangs limply over the edge of the trolley.

"Clara!"He exclaims leaping forwards towards her.

The matronly cat, head nurse of the emergency department and the one who had been examining the Doctor holds him back and he resists. "Doctor! Doctor! You cannot follow her. You cannot help now. You know that we are the premiere hospital in the universe. She will have the best care possible, but you cannot stay"

"Why not?" he yells, trying to force his way past her.

"Because you are already here..."

In the stillness that follows, he stares at her and then for the first time registers the state of the TARDIS, the acrid smell, the space suit on the floor, a hastily discarded utility belt, the soft strap of material that is now around his neck. All around is the overwhelming smell of smoke, sadness, pain and... River.

The Doctor picks up the utility belt and stares blankly at it for a moment, seemingly confused about something. He pulls a vortex manipulator from a pouch and takes it to a cabinet hidden in the wall of the control room, where he finds another which is identical. The two objects seem to repel each other, like opposite poles of a magnet, until the one in his hand becomes suddenly hot. He tosses it from one hand to the other and back but it burns his fingers, falls and crumbles to ashes on the floor. Two objects, the same but from different times. The Doctor stares for a moment at the pile on the floor, then reaches up with his hands to feel his face which is totally healed. He looks at his hands, which appear totally normal. Something has happened, but he can't quite remember. There was an explosion, Clara was injured, the images flick through his mind and fall into place, but what about River? Her scent is all around. How does she fit in? She is dead, asleep, stored amongst the files of the biggest library in the universe; or is she?

"Who am I here with?" he demands of the Matron as she pulls the TARDIS door shut.

"Spoilers!" she replies. ...

In the next scene...

It is morning in the peaceful main frame world of CAL, the computer that controls The Library. River has awoken early and enjoyed the sunrise. It is the same sunrise every morning; a brilliant display of purple, pink and red culminating in the appearance of the golden orb, but River doesn't mind the repetition. It is a peaceful and quiet time of the day and there is time to reflect and remember. She has made breakfast for the children and is on her way to wake them. River wonders what part of The Library Charlotte has visited in her dreams. Lately she has been enjoying ancient scripts from 21st century earth by J.K. Rowling. Only Charlotte has such vivid dreams. River knows that the twins cease to exist each night as she closes their bedroom door. They are binary beings brought to life by her own and CAL's imagination, but she loves them all the same. In this dream world they are as real as anything else and give her existence within it some purpose and meaning.

River opens the bedroom door and flicks on the light switch. Horrified, she discovers that the children are missing. She searches desperately. They are not in the house. Frantically she rushes outside. None of her team, her archaeological colleagues, or Miss Evangelista similarly stored within CAL are anywhere to be found. Their houses are empty. She rounds a corner and bumps into Mr Moon.

Mr Moon is always calm and never rushed. "Good morning Dr Song" he says with a smile.

'What's wrong? "she cries. Where is everyone? Where's Charlotte? What's happening?"

"Please don't panic Dr Song, everything is fine. CAL is very busy. She has had to close some programs to maintain download speed."

River's body begins to blur. "No. Wait. I can't. What about the children? Who is behind this?...".Her questions continue as she fades from the scene, her body swirling upwards as the download proceeds.

Inside a vat of skin coloured liquid within the control room of the TARDIS, a form that resembles an unfinished version of River reaches up and screams. The Doctor tries to cradle her in his arms and receives a solid blow to his face for his efforts. "It's ok, you're safe, it's me" he croaks. The screams subside into sobs as the form completes it's transformation into River.

Next we see the Doctor carrying a sleeping River to a bed and gently kissing her as he tucks her in.

Sometime later River awakens to find Charlotte sitting by her bed; but this cannot be right she thinks as Charlotte is CAL and CAL is The Library and this is the TARDIS; or is she still in the library and dreaming about the TARDIS? She feels her forehead, her face. It feels the same. Was he here, was that a kiss?

"Charlotte, where am I?" she asks.

"You're in the TARDIS" replies CAL

"But how can you be here?"

"Oh, the Doctor has made me an avatar of myself, synthetic of course, but as good as The Centurion he says. One day, if the Vashta Nerada can be persuaded to leave, I will be able to walk amongst the books in my library and talk to the people who visit. He needed a me, with a direct link to the mainframe so that he could download all of you. We did the others last night, but he said we had to create you inside the TARDIS within the time vortex."

River looks horrified. "What am I? Am I plastic? Am I human?" She tries to rise and leave the bed, to find a mirror, but doubles over in a spasm of pain.

"You are neither ", says the Doctor gently as he crosses from the door to the bedside and cradles her in his arms. " You are River, child of the TARDIS; But, you're not finished yet. The matrix material is still in regeneration. It will take a little while to settle down.

"Regeneration?" whispers River. "Have you made me whole again?"

It's all too sudden for River. A swirl of complicated feelings and shock overwhelms her as another wave of pain flows through her body.

"Yes". Replies the Doctor gently.

River tries to hide her face from him. She tries to hide the tears. He has finally come for her, but she has lost the children and she knows she has lost the peace.

"River, You don't need to hide the damage all the time", whispers the doctor softly as he cradles her in his arms.

"The others are knocking on the door" says Charlotte. "They want to know if they can see River yet."

"Soon" he says. "She must rest a little longer."

"No I'm fine". She insists, suddenly realising that she desperately wants to see her team, to feel them, to be assured that they too are real again.

In the the next scene, the Doctor is escorting River, dressed in an elegant evening gown, from the TARDIS into the foyer of a large spaceship lit by a huge chandelier hung from the ceiling. The room is noisy and filled with people and River hesitates, finding the scene overwhelming after years of quiet existence inside CAL. People fill the spaces between and in front of several long tables decorated for a feast. River's archaeology team are there at the front nearest the TARDIS as well as Miss Evangalista, Mr Lux and the ship's crew. Silence falls as everyone realizes that River and the Doctor have emerged. The crowd raise their glasses and cheer, but River's eyes are drawn to the centre of the gathering, to a wheel chair and an elderly man. There sits someone so old and frail that it seems to be only the chair holding him upright. He has only a few whisps of silver hair covering an otherwise bare scalp and skin mottled from years spent researching in the field under foreign stars, but his eyes are bright and his face wrinkles into laughter lines as the sight of River brings a broad smile to his face.

"Professor? Professor Graves?"asks River. She remembers her supervisor, her mentor throughout her long years of study, the one stable, steadying presence in her life.

" O dear, have I aged that much to be unrecognisable even to my favourite pupil?"

River kneels before his chair and takes his hands in hers. "Oh no Professor, but what is wrong?"

"Nothing my dear, nothing but my years catching up on me. You know I have already outlived my lovely wife, bless her, and our children. Now that you are free, perhaps I can rest at last."

"Professor Graves has worked hard to organise this rescue mission Dr Song" added Mr Lux. "He has rallied the thousands of people you saved and raised the funds to help rescue you, your team and Miss Evangelista. The people here are representatives of those whom you saved and they are here to give thanks."

"And to present to you Dr River Song, the medal of St George, the highest honour bestowed for bravery and sacrifice in the human universe" adds Professor Graves.

The gathering cheer again as Professor Graves presents a medal to River, then proceeds into feasting and partying.

Later in the evening, the Doctor attempts to quietly slip away, but River finds him just as he enters the TARDIS. He has deliberately kept a low profile. The rescue mission could never have proceeded without his expertise and he still has to find the Vashta Nerada a new planet, but he doesn't want to attract attention. Most of the universe still thinks he never existed and for the moment he would prefer to keep it that way. He has let River be the centre of attention tonight, but now seeing her alone, he finds himself strongly attracted to her. Actually he is aching for her, all his memories of her flooding his thoughts. Their eyes meet and he smiles. Before he even realizes how much he wants her, they are kissing.

A fine yellow mist appears around him as they kiss and River pulls away."What is that?"

The Doctor closes his eyes and leans forward so that his forehead touches hers. He whispers "Oh River, are you strong enough? Are you strong enough to bear the burden of a time lord's love?"

"I'm willing to give it a go" she says somewhat still surprised at his intensity and the yellow glow.

They kiss again, but this time the yellow mist becomes a bolt of regeneration energy that flows upwards and is joined by a similar stream from River. The shimmering swirling energy forms into a DNA helix, replicating and swirling upwards and around the TARDIS and back into the kissing couple as the scene fades.

River wakes up in a bed, tucked under the blankets, but naked she realizes as she goes to rise. She is in her old room in the Tardis and dresses quickly.

The Doctor is working on something in the control room when she enters. He comes to her full of concern. "Are you ok?" he asks.

River feels a little shaky, a little unsure about what happened the previous night, or rather unsure of the meaning of last night, but she says" I'm fine.", then hesitatingly "where are we?"

The Doctor looks amused. "In the TARDIS"

"No", says River "where are we up to?"

The twinkle leaves the Doctor's eyes and his face is suddenly serious again. His voice begins to choke. "River, we've caught up. I haven't seen you since Trenzilor"; but his eyes are watery and he tries to blink away a tear.

River stares at him directly. "Last time I saw you cry it was because you knew I was going to die. You know something. There is something you haven't told me. Something you can't tell me, but don't you dare hide it with a lie."

"I haven't seen you since Trenzilor" he repeats, but then goes on;"River, No matter where, no matter when, through time and space, if you need me I will come. I will love you always".

The Doctor kisses her lightly, then they stare at each other for a few moments. River is temporarily lost for words and trying to decipher the message he has just given her. Loving the Doctor is never straightforward.

Jovially, he breaks eye contact. "Well, It's morning, but you slept in; actually you've been asleep for 24 hours, but I've moved the TARDIS back a day".

River looks horrified "What! Oh, but I promised Professor Graves I would help him up this morning." And she rushes from the TARDIS.

River is next seen tending to a very frail Professor Graves. His medibots are buzzing around his head like flies after their night time duties. They have had to unblock a carotid artery overnight and he feels weaker than usual this morning. River is trying to help him eat breakfast, but he keeps nodding off.

The Doctor appears in the doorway of the cabin with Charlotte and Miss Evangelista. "We're going to find a suitable planet, or make one if we have to so that the library can be re opened. The Vashta Nerada have agreed in principle to move if we can find a more suitable home," he says.

"I'm not coming", says River, lifting a blanket back up around Professor Graves shoulders and turning around.

Miss Evangelista gently guides Charlotte back out of the cabin as the Doctor and River stand awkwardly facing each other.

"He needs someone to look after him" she says motioning to the Professor who was quietly snoring. "He has little time to live and no family to care for him. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to. I owe him so much...He can't teleport, so I will take him home on the ship. We should be there in a few days and I think he would like to be at home at the end."

"Of course" the Doctor murmurs as they embrace. Then in the manner of a farewell when you know you will meet again he adds "See ya round Dr Song... "

He leaves quickly before she can see his stricken face.

Two or three months pass. We see flashes of a new planet, a teleport for Vashta Nerada, a grand opening being planned for "The Library".

The Doctor, Miss Evangelista and Charlotte are returning to Mr Lux's ship in the TARDIS, when suddenly every alarm connected to the control room starts blaring and the ship lurches.

"River" the doctor whispers. He has been on edge. He has been waiting for this call that must surely come. "Well, don't waste time, let's go get her old girl", he commands.

As the TARDIS spins through the time vortex, we see a Silence standing at a bedroom door. The room is a complete mess and on fire, but the Silence is staring at the body of a woman lying prostate on the floor. A woman with wild hair and covered by a flowing purple and white dressing gown.

In the next instant the TARDIS has landed right on top of and around the body and an unconscious River appears on the floor inside the blue box. The Doctor feels for a pulse and pleads for her to wake up but there is no response. He's never much good with medical emergencies and starts yelling "No NO", whilst holding her close to his chest. Charlotte and Miss Evangelista are much more practical. Charlotte plugs herself into the TARDIS via the special connector hidden in her index finger and directs the TARDIS to the best known medical facility in the universe. Miss Evangelista grabs the first aid kit, pulls out the defibrillator and yells stand back as she gives River a double paddle blast to the chest. With River's pulse restored, she commences artificial respiration with a mask and bag. The Doctor cowers in the corner unable to watch as the TARDIS lands and the Cat emergency team burst through the door. River is quickly stabilised and moved via trolley to the emergency ward, with the Doctor, Charlotte and Miss Evangelista following.

"She hasn't just given away nearly all her regenerations again, She's been electrocuted; and more. Now, how do you explain that?" the matron cat demands as she rounds on the Doctor.

He looks like a naughty boy who's been caught stealing chocolate, but he says nothing. Another alarm rings and the matron leaves the Doctor, Charlotte and Miss Evangelista around River's bedside. The Doctor sits next to the bed and takes his wife's hand in his. There is no response. She is hooked up to tubes and monitors and still breathing through a mask. "I'm sorry" he whispers. "I'm so sorry".

The Matron reappears, puffing and breathlessly says "Doctor, you just arrived again with a girl called Clara. I sent you away, but Clara is in a bad way. She's asking for you. Can you come and re -assure her? I don't think she is overly fond of cats."

As soon as the Doctor has left the room, River opens her eyes. She feels a great sense of loss, unease and fear but can't remember why. Charlotte and Miss Evangelista are overjoyed. River struggles to rise, but manages to get up with the help of her friends. Supported by Charlotte on one side and Miss Evangelista on the other they shuffle along the corridor back to the TARDIS. River feels an overwhelming desire to go inside, to feel safe, and to escape.

At the door to the TARDIS River says to the girls "Go to the Doctor. Whatever happens, no matter what you do, he must not be alone. Go. Leave me; I will be safe inside the TARDIS".

Inside River staggers a little and rests, leaning on the main console. She smiles as the TARDIS begins her song. This time It's a sad lullaby in a language from long ago.

A little rejuvenated, River begins to search some cupboards and hidden spaces around the control room. Finally she finds what she is looking for; her utility belt and the old Vortex Manipulator. As the TARDIS continues her song, River sits on the stairs and slowly buckles on the belt and time travel equipment. When she has finished, she looks up and listens intently, then speaks directly to the TARDIS, but in a whisper. "Of course you are forgiven. You are always forgiven. Forever and always... and so is he".

The TARDIS changes her tune. The control room resonates with music of power and passion. The TARDIS is giving her blessing. River isn't ready to face the Doctor just yet and still can't remember what attacked her or why she feels so afraid, but now she is ready to run, ready to face what comes next. She punches the final code into the vortex manipulator and vanishes, just as the door of the TARDIS flies open and the Doctor rushes in...

Back in the emergency ward a Silence smashes the monitors and other equipment around what was, until minutes earlier, River's bed.


End file.
